


Lavellan Vallas - Frosty Whispers, Sacred Peaks

by ehProudCanadianWriter



Series: Lavellan Vallas - A Honest Retelling [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Codex Entries, Codex Entries (Dragon Age), Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Dalish Elves, Dalish Issues, Dalish Lore, Diary/Journal, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, One Shot Collection, POV First Person, Retelling, Romantic Fluff, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 08:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehProudCanadianWriter/pseuds/ehProudCanadianWriter
Summary: A brief codex entry written by Lady Athenvera Lavellan during her stay in Haven. Shortly after her ascension to the role of Herald, the Inquisitor spoke of her nervous maladies and her first interaction with Commander Cullen Rutherford, leader of the Inquisition's forces. The brief moment alone and the reassuring words shared between two near-strangers sparks a romance that has come to define an age. (A sweet and simple fluff. Part of a larger collection).





	

**Author's Note:**

> The Lavellan Vallas is a sponsored project affiliated with the University of Orlais. Professor Sauveterre and her team in the study of Dalish Lore endeavour to preserve and archive the fragmented diary of Inquisitor Lavellan and study the inner workings of the Inquisition during the Mage-Templar War (9:37 Dragon), the Divine Conclave, the Breach and the War of the Lions (9:41 Dragon). This project can confirm the authenticity of the original texts and assure that all texts have been left unaltered. This collection is dedicated to Divine Victoria as a show of unconditional support to the Chantry and its new divine.
> 
> This particular codex was found in the ruins of Haven.

 

Every great war has its heroes; I'm just curious what kind you'll be.

 

If we are to convince the world that Andraste's herald is an _elf_ ,

the Inquisition must give you its upmost support.

 

I thought you'd be more interesting in sharing _your_ opinions of Elvin culture.

You're Dalish are you not? The Dalish are children acting out stories misheard

and repeated wrongly a thousand times.

 

Thinking of those words caused my stomach to turn and fester. Although I could tell myself that those feelings would harden into resolve, with all the fear and anxiety I felt about becoming the Herald I could not help but feel inadequate. What do I, a Dalish elf, have to offer these holy follows who flock to Haven for safety, protection, and certainty? I knew that the army we had could offer them protection and safety, at least from the warring factions that spread bloodshed throughout Thedas; certainty however was something I could not even offer myself. How could I speak as Andraste's vessel if I did not even believe in her as they did? How could I be a symbol of order in a world gone mad with chaos? Cassandra had told me that I had no choice but to stand firm with the Inquisition and do my best to be that symbol. That did not mean I was not a catalyst of entropy the moment everyone turned their eyes back to the Breach and away from me.

There were so many unanswered questions and very little time to find any answers. When I had a moment to myself, I tried to learn and gather what information I could in order to be the Herald. I learned of the Inquisition's workings and tried my best to familiarize myself with the land surrounding Haven. I was lucky to have supportive advisors like Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine while Cassandra was able to give me the push I needed when I felt like crumbling. Still, it was difficult to sustain such vigor. Being productive kept my fear at bay but some nights, when left to my own devices for long enough, I feel my fingers begin to shake and my back begin to curl. I feel my heart begin to race, my chest begin to swell, and all at once I feel as though the end of the world was imminent. How could it not be, when I am the one who holds Thedas in my hands and I can barely bring myself to stand? On those nights, when I feel the tremors begin, I walk. I walk for as long as I can in the cold air and snow until my body is so numb that not even the chill seems to bother me. On the eve before our expedition to the Hinterlands to find Mother Giselle, I felt my panic begin to crawl up my chest and I did just that- I walked.

It was later in the afternoon when I began my hike away from Haven. The sun setting over the frosted peaks of the mountains was peaceful and the snow was drifting down in a soft sheet. The tavern had begun to fill with the soldiers as their training concluded for the day and as I passed many of them bowed their heads in respect. I held a smile on my face, nodding politely in response but as I began down the path around the frozen lake, I felt my expression once more sink. I tried my best to steady myself as I walked, taking the time to breathe deeply and count the clouds that escaped me as I exhaled. One, two, three, four... One step at a time, one breath at a time, one day at a time.

I kept my count as I passed by the blacksmith and made my way around the lake to the bridge. It was only when I arrived at the gate that I stopped, moving to sit on a small collection of barrels that overlooked the lake. The bodies that had been there had finally been put to rest and the bridge now was only used to hold unimportant supplies or garbage from the village. Looking over the lake was soothing for me. It reminded me of home; it made me feel as though I was back with my clan and about to go ice fishing with my father. The thought of them settled in my mind and I thought of the words of my companions. It would take a lot for anyone to accept a Dalish mage as the Herald. If I was the chosen one, why did the gods make it so I would not be accepted? Why select an elf when the world of humans looked upon us so coldly? What made me worthy of the charge?

As I watched the sun dip between the tips of the mountains, I thought of the woman cloaked in the wondrously warm light that lingered in the Fade.

 

Mythal, please watch over me as I stand before the brink of chaos.

Give me the confidence and the strength to look upon the faces of those

 in fear and not tremble myself, knowing you are with me. Protect me in

 this time of great fervour and remind me each day as I watch the sun

rise and set that temperance and a calm mind may be enough to save us all.

Mythal, in your name I pray - give me strength, grant me your protection

and above all, allow me the judgement to make things right... for all

of our sakes...

 

The words slid out of me in a quiet whisper, with its only true semblance being the fog that left my mouth as I spoke into the chilly air. I waited as I finished for some kind of sign but all I received was silence. It was not long lived however as I heard the crunching of the snow nearby. I quickly moved to stand but when I looked, my eyes settled on the Commander - adorned in his large warm furs and shining plate armour. I did not know him well but even that seemed an understatement. We had only conversed in the war room and a few brief encounters around Haven as he checked on how I was after I awoke. To see him here, this far from Haven, I felt the pit in my stomach grow. I stood, ready to move at his insistence, "Commander, is there- something wrong?"

He jostled for a minute before he raised his hand. Clearly he could see my fret. "Oh no Herald! Nothing is the matter, I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I -" he paused to clear his throat, "- I just noticed you leave and I wanted to make sure that you were alright."

His genuine concern seemed to linger behind his stoic tone and for a moment, I just looked at him. He stood a fair distance away, his arms at his sides in his military stance. You could see the years of training he had done. It was ever present in the curve of his back, the placement of his hands on one another - knowledgeable and secure. I could not tell if he was relaxed or not though, I doubt anyone had an easy time determining that. "That's very kind of you Commander. I'm- I'm fine. I always just like going for a walk, that's all. It's always nice to clear my head every now and then."

Even though I tried my best to reassure him, my tone lacked the confidence I had originally intended. It sounded tired and even with my prayer I could hear the slight shake in the back of my throat. For a moment, Cullen stood quietly before he took a few hesitant steps closer to me. I didn't bother to stop him but rather I sat back down on the barrel again. "This place is rather peaceful; I can see why you think so even given the current circumstances."

His words caused a small sigh to escape me as I looked back up at the Breach. Even after sealing it originally, it hung ominously over us, reminding me and everyone else of the danger it posed. There was still the question of who to ask for help, mages or templars, but there were a hundred other problems to solve before we could even broach that subject. "That's the next thing to solve," I replied watching the clouds swirl around the center, "Are you here to make your pitch Commander - about using templars to suppress the Breach?"

"No, I'm sure you got your share of the debate in the war room. I'm sure a consensus will be reached soon enough but right now, I know you're trying to clear your head. I won't keep you Herald."

The moment he turned to leave, I felt a slight panic in my chest. Having him there, it brought me a small sense of calm, even if it was just knowing that someone knew where I was. "No, it's alright. If you like, you can stay. I would- like to get to know you better if you have the time."

There was a momentary pause as we both met eyes. His golden tuffs seemed to blow softly in the breeze and I noticed the slight curve of his scar with the request. He seemed for a moment baffled at my eagerness and the sight of his flushed expression brought a small smile to my face. "And please, call me Vera-" I told him, allowing my smile to breed a small chuckle out of my lips, "-Herald is far too formal for moments like this- and I'd never ask someone to call me by my full name unless they had a mind to."

Although I could feel his slight hesitation, he moved his way over to my side, leaning back against the wall of the bridge to support himself. "What would you like to know?"

His tone had softened and I could not tell if he was attempting to console me or if he was genuinely happy to share. However, I doubted the latter; it was hard to avoid stories of the Commander in Kirkwall. There was part of me that didn't want to ask him about it but in the end, there was nothing more appropriate. I asked him of his time with the templars, listening as he explained his time amongst their ranks and his training in Ferelden. I watched him as he spoke and I couldn't help but feel a sadness as I watched the lines of his face. My eyes lingered noting the colour of his eyes, the dimple in his chin and the coarseness of his stubble that clearly had not seen attention in a day or two. His face seemed matte and unchanging as he spoke of his time in the service, the words falling from his mouth as though he had repeated them to others and himself a thousand times over. Although he made eye contact occasionally, I saw him slipping in and out of his own thoughts as though filtering what was truth and what his time should have been. His downcast eyes showed a thousand words and I could have written a dozen songs based on the tenor of his voice. There was no denying that he was handsome in a somber but classic way. When he finally concluded, he raised his eyes back to me expectantly, waiting for another question but all I could do was watch him. "Is something the matter Herald?" he asked after a few brief seconds of quiet. I shook my head, "only that you keep calling me Herald," I chirped in response.

A small chuckle escaped him as he adjusted himself, moving to stand fully once more. The sun had fully faded beneath the earth and the stars had risen over the horizon to replace it. "If you have no more questions Her- Vera, I should get back as should you." His voice was assured but that did not mean I was done. There was one question lingering beneath the bundle of nerves that sat in my stomach, buried beneath it like an animal in hibernation.

"I do have one last question Commander, if that's alright."

"Of course," he replied, "ask."

It took me a moment to gather the courage to ask but he had been nothing but accommodating since he arrived here. I was able to muster what little strength I had to raise my gaze back up to meet his golden brown eyes. "When you look at me Commander, as a Dalish mage, what do you see?"

The question took him off guard and I watched as the rehearsed mannerisms he held fell away. "What- do you mean Herald?"

When he parroted a question back to me, I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore and I turned my gaze to the horizon. I watched as the snow swirled in glorious ribbons in the shallow air, skating upon the ice listlessly. "I hear how people speak of me... a Dalish elf, an apostate mage, a child attempting to parrot gods and save the world... I can- stand the political discussions. I know I'm not- typical or what anyone expected but- I- I know that people like you, Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra, Solas, everyone who is here who are vital to- everything..." my words trailed, "I- I want to know what I can do to make myself worthy- for all of you to stand behind and the only way to do that- is to know what you think of me Commander."

The words rushed out of me, tripping over themselves in an attempt to quickly explain myself. It was as if my words were attempting to avoid the embarrassment that would inevitably follow discussing my insecurities with one of my own advisors. Still, he simply paused and I could feel his eyes watching me as I had watched him. I could feel his scrutiny and I could not tell if it was a good thing or not. "I have no problem with you - mage or not. I might have been a templar and there is no denying I will do what is necessary to protect the camp from abominations and the dangers of magic, but that protection extends to all who serve our cause, especially you. Your safety- is of the upmost importance."

He paused for a long moment, letting a gust of wind and the final chirps of nearby birds to break up his thoughts. "As for you personally, I think it's brave what you have done and I don't just mean taking up the mantel because of the mark. I've - noticed your walks have become more frequent as of late and I can imagine why... None of this must be easy for you and I can't imagine how troubling it must be to wrap your head around it. I'm- I'm having a difficult time and I have seen things that many would consider unimaginable..."

His tone began to shift and it caused my eyes to rise to his. His face had softened; his tone had as well. Although he seemed lost in his own thoughts, he moved a bit closer to me. He let his eyes climb to reach mine before he continued, "Some of us were born to serve and expected this - well as much as you can expect chaos like this. What you've done, how you've coped with becoming the Herald, it is- awe inspiring to me. There are few people who can handle it as you have and- if you ever need anything, you need only to ask."

With his closeness, I could almost feel his body heat in the cold. His arm grazed ever so gently against mine and although there could be no denying that his words were meant as calm reassurance, I could feel my heart race for another reason. I held his gaze for longer than I probably should and he quickly cleared his throat and reclaimed some of the distance he had removed between us. "We should return Herald, you'll need your rest for your expedition tomorrow."

His words snapped me back to reality and I nodded. "It- is getting cold. A fire sounds lovely right now." He chuckled and the two of us walked back to the small-fortified town, the silence between us was surprisingly comfortable and serene. When the morning came and the advisors saw me off with their last final instructions, I caught Cullen's eyes and smiled. For a moment, he was flustered as he was the night before but I knew as we road toward the Hinterlands that he had made a difference in settling some of my nerves. His words acted as a subtle and comforting reminder that I didn't need to go it alone, that even on those nights when I felt the most vulnerable - I was protected. As I road off, I thought of his words and a small smile pulled at my lips. The only sentiment that crossed my mind was the same one he would find on a scroll that I placed on his desk earlier that morning,

 

_**Thank you Commander...** _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the work and will explore the others in the series. If you're interested, here are some of the others in the collection you can check out: 
> 
> The Beginnings: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7611220
> 
> Please! Leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed the work or have constructive criticism. I write to improve so please help me do so! :) 
> 
> This work acts as my version of the Lavellan inquisitor storyline and therefore will follow the story of the game Dragon Age: Inquisition. There will some variances from the game but widely, it will follow that narrative. For this reason, and due to the huge amount of Dragon Age fanfictions, I'd like to note that I have not intended any crossovers between any other fanfic. Any similarities are accidental and I apologize. If there are any issues, please feel free to let me know! I'm happy to rectify the situation however I can.


End file.
